This thing (or no'thing') in my head!

For months I haven’t been feeling great. I’ve been tired, have had headaches, and haven’t had any energy and been cranky. I really thought I had just become diabetic and didn’t want to admit to myself that I had caused it by eating unhealthy so I kept putting off going to the doctor. I finally felt SO badly that I made an appt the first part of December for a physical. The doctor came in with great news that I wasn’t diabetic, but just anemic. I was so relieved. She said that that was probably why I had been feeling weak and that I needed to take an iron pill. At that point I didn’t tell her I was already late for my period by a few days because I kept thinking it would arrive. I left the appt and my husband had a FIT that I hadn’t mentioned my late period. He wasn’t worried that I was pregnant (I’ve had my tubes tied, he’s had a vasectomy) but he was worried something else was going on. I promised to call the Doc the following week if it didn’t start. (I had already taken about 10 pregnancy tests that were all negative if that’s what you’re thinking!) Finally by Tuesday of the following week Aunt Flo was nowhere to be seen so I called in and they suggested I come back in for more blood work. Went back in and answered a gazillion questions about family history, etc, and then they pulled a BUNCH of blood and said that they would have to send it away and it would take 7-10 days to process. The Friday before Christmas I still hadn’t heard anything (and it was the 10th day) so I called in (BTW, I started my period by now). The receptionist said the nurse was busy but took a look at the results and said that there was a problem with my thyroid and the nurse would be in touch. About an hour later my cell rang and I answered it thinking it was the nurse. Wrong. It was the Doctor. (Never a good feeling when the doctor calls you, huh?) She asked if the nurse had been in touch with me about getting my MRI scheduled. I giggled and told her she must have me confused with another patient and rolled my eyes that she had mixed up our charts. She said no, that she knew she was talking to Lyndee and that I did in fact need to get scheduled for an MRI. She said that my thyroid levels were off and a few other things were off, but that her concern was that because brain tumors run in my family (great genetics, huh?) that there was reason to be concerned that I could have a pituitary tumor on my pituitary gland and that I needed to get in for an MRI soon. I guess I should also add that I lost BOTH of my parents to brain tumors, so hearing the word 'tumor' makes me sick to my stomach. My Dad passed away when I was 15. Then when I was 18 my Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and passed away when i was 20. I was blessed enough to be able to quit college and move home and care for her and get to spend some really good, quality time with her. But 20 years was not enough. I STILL have moments when I need to pick up the phone and ask her a question, be it a recipe or for parenting advice. My kids are 5 and 1 1/2. They haven't gotten me for long enough. I’ve spent the past 3 weeks having a pity party for myself. Crying whenever I think about it, spending a lot of time praying and begging God to make everything be okay. Not for me but for my kids. I know where I’m going when I die and I’m not afraid of that. But I’ve LIVED without a Mom and it SUCKS. Every, single day without my Mom SUCKS. I was at least lucky enough to get my Mom until I was 20. The thought of my kids not being able to have me breaks my heart. Not to toot my own horn, but I AM a pretty cool Mom But even if I was a sucky Mom, kids still NEED their Mom. I can say that from experience. I'm 31 and I still NEED my Mom! Hopefully after my MRI I will come back and post that there's nothing but a bunch of blank space in my head :)