Nothing much has changed, but since it's been almost a month since I've updated I decided to let you know I'm still alive and kicking :) I have bloodwork in the morning to check my levels and still continue to take my meds twice a week. The last time I took my pill I didn't wake up feeling sick - YAY!!!! I take it again tonight so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm 'over' having an upset stomach from it. No one has time for that! Anyway, thanks for the thoughts and prayers. They are very appreciated.

Finally an update

I'll admit I'm lame! I've needed to post an update but just haven't been able to find the motivation or my 'happy place', so I wanted to wait until I had a better attitude before I posted an update. I went back to my doctor last Friday (2/8). Turns out, even after all of the blood work he still doesn't know if my tumor is hormone-producing or not. My body is definitely producing too much hormone, but he said he doesn't know if the tumor is producing it, or if the tumor is pressing on tissues that are producing it. SO. He started me on a medication that will: a) shrink the tumor if it's hormone-producing; or b)counter-act the extra hormones that my body is producing. The side effects of the medication are lovely. In some cases it can cause heart-valve problems AND it can cause nausea/vomitting. SO far it HAS caused nausea and I don't like it!!! I take it every 4th day (as I'm going to bed) and the morning after taking it I am sick, sick, SICK. The doctor said that with the small dose I'm on I shouldn't have to worry about heart-valve problems, but I will have to have an EKG at my next appt to make sure I'm not having any problems. While I appreciate the fact that it shouldn't cause any problems, the fact that it could cause problems bugs me! I guess I was having a pity-party because it wasn't the news I wanted to hear. I wanted to go in and have the doctor look at me and tell me that there was nothing wrong with me and to go home. I KNOW that it could be so much worse and I'm grateful to God for the many blessings in my life, one of which is my health (minus the silly little growth that decided to take up residency in my brain). I'm lucky that of all that is going on I'm surrounded by great friends and family who love me unconditionally. So for now, I will continue this medication and have bloodwork in 1 month, 3 months, 6 months and an MRI in 6 months to see if the tumor is shrinking. It WILL be shrinking...I just know it :) I don't know how many of you know, but rainbows are special to me. After my Dad passed away and then my Mom, I always knew they were thinking about me when I would see a rainbow. As I was writing this post one of my best friends in the entire world sent this to me: How's THAT for a sign from above?!?!

Waiting...(and poking!)...and waiting...(and poking!)...and waiting...

I heard back from the Doctor on Friday to say that I'd have to have more blood work done. Not exactly the news I was hoping for, but no biggie. I never went in to details on here as to what went on in the appointment so I'll quickly try to sum it up. He said it was NOT cancerous (Yay for answered prayers!!!) He said that we would need to determine if it was hormone or non-hormone producing. Here's the scenario's: Non-hormone producing we will just watch it by doing an MRI every 6 months for the first 3 years, then once annually. If my results came back that it was non-hormone producing I wouldn't have to have any more bloodwork. This was what I was hoping it was. Hormone producing: I'd have to take a steroid pill to see what my cortisone levels did and then it would either be treated with surgery or medication, depending on my levels. Friday's call was to let me know that I did need to go ahead and take the steroid pill and then have blood work done the following morning. Because I had to take the pill and have more blood work I'm only making an assumption that it is a hormone producing tumor, but who knows. Maybe he wanted to be extra cautious and everything is fine :) Regardless of what is going on, I'm ready to KNOW. Even if the answer isn't one that I want to hear I'm ready to know what the course of treatment is and I'm ready to deal with this thing. I want to FEEL better again!!! I have to say that overall I HAVE felt better the past few weeks (because of all of you praying for me) but I'm no where near 'normal' feeling, I'm sure due to my thyroid levels being off. Thank you for all of the sweet and loving messages. I appreciate everyone so much. (Case refused to be apart of our picture!)

Things are looking up :)

You know if I title my post with a smiley face the appointment must have went well! The specialist is pretty confident I won't have to have surgery to remove my tumor. I have to have a BUNCH more blood work next week and then I'll have another 2-week Wait. He did say FOR SURE it's not cancerous!!! I'm on my phone so I apologize for the post being so short...I just wanted to share that it's non-cancerous and that I more than likely won't have to be operated on! Thanks for all of the prayers!

I have an appointment

All weekend long I have been blessed with sweet messages, prayers and an overall good feeling about this entire situation. I spoke to a good friend at Church who recommended a doctor affiliated with Baylor in Dallas who specifically deals with what I have going on. I called my insurance and he is in my network. I called his office and they had a cancellation and can get me in THIS FRIDAY! Talk about God opening doors for me! I no sooner hung up the phone when my phone rang from my local doctor (who had been in the process of getting me in with a specialist since Wednesday of last week) who said they had me scheduled for an appt on March 6th....MARCH SIXTH!!!! Over 50 days away!!! So my lovely friends and family, the PRAYERS are WORKING. Thank you ALL so much :) My 3 doodlebugs on Christmas Eve~

Confirmation of my worst fear

I do, in fact have a tumor. Wow, I just said that. My doctor called me at 6:30 Wednesday night to tell me the results. As luck would have it I was home alone with my 3 munchkins and we were just sitting down to eat (My husband was at a meeting) and my 1 1/2 year old was flat-out throwing a FIT....so I wasn't able to ask a bunch of questions OR have a crying, throw myself on the ground break down....I'm thankful for that! It's amazing how God knows what you need and when you need it, and at that moment when I found out, having my sweet babies with me (who know nothing) was a good thing. From what I can remember (I think my brain glazed over when she confirmed I had a tumor) she said it's a 3mm tumor on my pituitary gland but that it is benign (benign = not cancerous!). She did say that although it’s non-cancerous, that the concern is that it can continue to grow and depending on the size and where it’s located it can cause major problems. She said I need to get in to a specialist and said that the specialist should contact me within the next week to schedule an appt. In research that I’ve done tumors range in size from 1mm to 10 mm, but that when they reach 3mm that’s the threshold where they usually consider operating. You know, since my parents passed away my biggest fear has been that I would be diagnosed with a brain tumor. I watched them get diagnosed and saw the progression until they passed away. I’ve always been terrified of this. Now that I’m ‘here’ it’s a very surreal feeling. I’m very thankful for my relationship with God, because without it I KNOW I would be having a meltdown. Since I have such a good relationship with Him I KNOW that this has happened for a reason. I don’t know what that reason is and may never know, but you’d better believe I’m going to praise Him in good times and bad. What I’m feeling right now (the bright spot) is that I DO know something is going on and have time to truly make the rest of my life count, whether that is 100 days or 100 years. I feel that God allowed me to have symptoms so that I COULD be diagnosed. I also feel like my goal in life has always been to ‘live life to the fullest’ but that I’m so busy doing day to day things that I don’t actually do that. My life is so busy it’s a blur. I get up in the morning and am always late. I sleep in an extra 5 (15!) minutes so then the rest of the morning is spent running through the house, getting kids up, dressed, teeth brushed, fed breakfast, only to jump in the car and rush to town, drop off kids at daycare, rush to work and barely squeak in to my office by 8 am. I’m busy at work and before I know it it’s 5pm and time to figure out what’s for dinner, run to the grocery store (because I’m always missing ONE ingredient!), pick kiddos up from daycare, get home, make dinner, work on homework with the kids, do dishes, maybe a load of laundry and then go to bed, ready to do it all over again the next day. That might be my life but the past year or two I’ve been rushing too much to ENJOY IT. I need to force myself to slow down and make time to paint my daughter’s toenails, or finger paint with my sons and I can honestly say, it’s been easier to put those things off for ‘another day’. Not anymore. None of us know how much time we’ll be on this earth and although I’ve always known and said that I haven’t LIVED IT. Starting today (last night, actually!) I’m going to actually LIVE it. I'm now waiting for a call from the specialist to see when it will be that I go in and find out exactly what it IS in my brain and what our course of action will be. Please don't feel sorry for me or look at me funny. Please say a little prayer for me and please enjoy every second of this life you've been blessed with. Since a blog post is worthless without a pic, here's my beautiful munchkins :)

This thing (or no'thing') in my head!

For months I haven’t been feeling great. I’ve been tired, have had headaches, and haven’t had any energy and been cranky. I really thought I had just become diabetic and didn’t want to admit to myself that I had caused it by eating unhealthy so I kept putting off going to the doctor. I finally felt SO badly that I made an appt the first part of December for a physical. The doctor came in with great news that I wasn’t diabetic, but just anemic. I was so relieved. She said that that was probably why I had been feeling weak and that I needed to take an iron pill. At that point I didn’t tell her I was already late for my period by a few days because I kept thinking it would arrive. I left the appt and my husband had a FIT that I hadn’t mentioned my late period. He wasn’t worried that I was pregnant (I’ve had my tubes tied, he’s had a vasectomy) but he was worried something else was going on. I promised to call the Doc the following week if it didn’t start. (I had already taken about 10 pregnancy tests that were all negative if that’s what you’re thinking!) Finally by Tuesday of the following week Aunt Flo was nowhere to be seen so I called in and they suggested I come back in for more blood work. Went back in and answered a gazillion questions about family history, etc, and then they pulled a BUNCH of blood and said that they would have to send it away and it would take 7-10 days to process. The Friday before Christmas I still hadn’t heard anything (and it was the 10th day) so I called in (BTW, I started my period by now). The receptionist said the nurse was busy but took a look at the results and said that there was a problem with my thyroid and the nurse would be in touch. About an hour later my cell rang and I answered it thinking it was the nurse. Wrong. It was the Doctor. (Never a good feeling when the doctor calls you, huh?) She asked if the nurse had been in touch with me about getting my MRI scheduled. I giggled and told her she must have me confused with another patient and rolled my eyes that she had mixed up our charts. She said no, that she knew she was talking to Lyndee and that I did in fact need to get scheduled for an MRI. She said that my thyroid levels were off and a few other things were off, but that her concern was that because brain tumors run in my family (great genetics, huh?) that there was reason to be concerned that I could have a pituitary tumor on my pituitary gland and that I needed to get in for an MRI soon. I guess I should also add that I lost BOTH of my parents to brain tumors, so hearing the word 'tumor' makes me sick to my stomach. My Dad passed away when I was 15. Then when I was 18 my Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and passed away when i was 20. I was blessed enough to be able to quit college and move home and care for her and get to spend some really good, quality time with her. But 20 years was not enough. I STILL have moments when I need to pick up the phone and ask her a question, be it a recipe or for parenting advice. My kids are 5 and 1 1/2. They haven't gotten me for long enough. I’ve spent the past 3 weeks having a pity party for myself. Crying whenever I think about it, spending a lot of time praying and begging God to make everything be okay. Not for me but for my kids. I know where I’m going when I die and I’m not afraid of that. But I’ve LIVED without a Mom and it SUCKS. Every, single day without my Mom SUCKS. I was at least lucky enough to get my Mom until I was 20. The thought of my kids not being able to have me breaks my heart. Not to toot my own horn, but I AM a pretty cool Mom But even if I was a sucky Mom, kids still NEED their Mom. I can say that from experience. I'm 31 and I still NEED my Mom! Hopefully after my MRI I will come back and post that there's nothing but a bunch of blank space in my head :)